First, I would like to point out that I have managed to make this “30 day” thing last longer than a year. I am awesome at procrastinating.

Second, I was going to make a new playlist for Jake, because that’s kind of a nice thing to do for someone, but I never got around to finishing it…uh, see above. So this is one I made for him this past summer, back when we were homeless and had no idea what the future held and he was spending a lot of time driving to and from contract/freelance jobs so he would have something to listen to. So they’re all related to uncertainty, or a difficult time, or questions one might want to ask God when He appears to be shirking His duty while trying desperately to believe that He is good.

You’re supposed to also say why you chose the songs so I have included a brief-ish excerpt or explanation for each. (Don’t judge me! I haven’t had much money for music since like 2002 so most of this is old.)

  • “You Did Not Have a Home” by Rich Mullins. Because we did not have a home.
  • “Let It Be Me” by Ray LaMontagne. “For every door you open, seems like you get two slammed in your face…Pockets full of nothin’, ain’t got no cash…You feel like you’d give anything for just a little place you can call your own”
  • “I’m Not Alright” by Sanctus Real. The title pretty much sums it up. And we discovered that most people are pretty intimidated when you say stuff like that.
  • “Next Age” by Stavesacre. “Hope deferred makes the heart sick with desperation/And we’ve had enough for a lifetime.”
  • “I Feel So” by Boxcar Racer. “I feel so mad, I feel so angry…so lost, confused”
  • “Trouble” by Ray LaMontagne. “Feels like every time I get back on my feet she come around and knock me down again…worry is my only friend”
  • “Walk” by By The Tree. Because that song makes me think of Camino (Jake used it on our slideshow (warning! for some reason he included a video of me draining a blister)), and this era in our lives was a spiritual Camino.
  • “Why Georgia” by John Mayer. “So what, so I’ve got a smile on/But it’s hiding the quiet superstitions in my head…Am I living it right?”
  • “Hard to Get” by Rich Mullins. I think this is perhaps the bravest song ever. I won’t put any lines because the whole song is exactly what I would say, if I was poetic.
  • “Aslan” by Kendall Payne. “Lay down your layers, shed off your skin/But without his incision you can’t enter in/He cuts deep, yes he cuts deep…but never leaves a wounded one behind/He won’t say the words you wish that he would/He don’t do the deeds you know that he could/He won’t think the thoughts you think that he should/But he is good, he is good.”
  • “Good” by Bleach. “My heart is bare/There’s not much there/But I believe you’ve given me more than I could know/And I know this/You are good”
  • “Your Love is Strong” by Jon Foreman. “I look out the window, the birds are composing/Not a note is out of tune or out of place/I walk to the meadow and stare at the flowers/Better dressed than any girl on her wedding day/So why should I worry? why do I freak out?/God knows what I need, You know what I need”
  • “Vision of You” by Shane & Shane. Basically begging Jesus to show up.
  • “Be Near” by Shane & Shane. Same idea as above…”Your nearness is to us our good.”
  • “Hold Me Jesus” by Rich Mullins. “The mountains look so big, and my faith just seems so small.”
  • “Yearn” by Shane & Shane. Wanting to want Him when you don’t. (Aside: it appears the Shanes have become the new Rich Mullins(es), no?)
  • “Waiting Room” by Shane Barnard. “I will trust when You don’t seem real…Lord, I know if I change my mind/You will change my heart in time/Sovereign Lord, this time’s from You/So I sit in the waiting room of silence”
  • “Better Days” by Robbie Seay. Here come better days! (I mean, there were only a few ways it could get worse.)
  • “The Best I Can” by The Normals. “This is not what I thought I had been praying for/But this is what I have been given/I will make the best I can.” One of my very favorite lines.
  • “Sometimes by Step” by Rich Mullins. If you are a real Christian you pretty much have to put this song on a playlist.
  • “You are Good” by Nichole Nordeman (and Erin O’Donnell). “When it’s dark and it’s cold and I can’t feel my soul/You are so good/When the world has gone gray and the rain’s here to stay/You are still good”
  • “Lifeboat” by The Elms. “When I can’t swim, You are a lifeboat”
  • “Gratitude” by Nichole Nordeman. “Daily bread, give us daily bread/Bless our bodies, keep our children fed…But maybe not, not today/Maybe you’ll provide in other ways/And if that’s the case we’ll give thanks to you/With gratitude” A very difficult thing to pray.
  • “Over Now” by Needtobreathe. “This time is just a season…Lift up your head, look out the window/’Cause it’s almost over now/Take back the time your fear has stolen/’Cause it’s almost over now”
  • “New Day” by Robbie Seay. “And I know it might seem/That the world is crumbling/But it’s me and you dancing in the kitchen at 2 a.m./And we’re still alive/And it might not be/The prettiest thing that you’ll ever see/But it’s a new day”

So there you have it. Don’t get your hopes up – several of the remaining prompts are completely stupid so I may not finish. And no, that doesn’t bother me.

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