So, Jake & I are at a very awkward time in life right now. By “awkward” I mean that in 24 hours we will be moving out of our current living situation (a guest house) and into…nothing. I mean, we will be staying with friends, but that is obviously not long-term in any sense of the phrase. This huge uncertainty makes it really uncomfortable to meet new people, or catch up with people we haven’t seen in a long time. For example, last week I ran into my best friend’s parents – I haven’t seen them in a few years – and they asked where we live, and I said (rather cheerfully, I thought), “Nowhere!” and they were like, “…” Clearly not what they were expecting to hear. A few weeks ago I began mulling over how no one ever stands up in church and shares stories of how God let them down or didn’t provide for them somehow – you only ever hear stories of miraculous provision, just in the nick of time, and I began to wonder if this is because He really has never let anyone down in the whole course of human history, or if it’s just because no one wants to hear those stories. I knew by June 30 I would have some idea of the answer to this conundrum and you know what? It’s not pretty, at least not in a Sunday school flannelboard sort of way.

Last weekend one of my good friends and her family were staying with us and her husband, after hearing our “situation,” said, “Well, isn’t that just great! You know you’ll have an answer soon about where you’re supposed to be!” and after staring at him for a moment I was like, “What? I certainly do not know anything of the sort.” and he was like, “Sure you do. You know God has to answer you by the end of the month” and I stared at him again for a while and then decided to just drop it. That is a nice, pastor-y thing to say in an attempt to make me feel better but this guy has never been in a situation anything like this, and on top of that (and possibly more importantly) I absolutely do NOT know that God has to answer me on any kind of timeline. Maybe we are reading different translations but I cannot find anywhere in my Bible where it says God owes me anything.

And so we are considering doing something which would be either wildly brave or incredibly stupid, and only in hindsight will we be able to see which it was. This is another thing people just don’t talk about. People write books or give talks about how they made these huge life-changes and it turned out great and now they are living their dreams. No one writes the book about “I chased my dreams but things didn’t work out and now I’m living in my mom’s basement again and feel like a total failure.” Plenty of people say the risk is worth it, but only after it pays off. And what if it doesn’t? If the risk is so worth it, where are all the people saying it’s worth it even if you flop?

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