When we got to Virginia, I was running on 4 hours sleep from the night before, and sleep deprived before that.  And stressed – you know, from all the packing, unpacking, moving, and living with my mom.  Normally I can handle sleep deprivation like a champ, and am pretty laid back about stress, but the past few weeks pushed me to my limits.

Suzanne at the limits is…well, not nice.  And while my introvert self has at least enough manners to navigate meeting new people, Introvert Suzanne At The Limits is less than pleasant – something like this:

New, Overzealous, Over-Pious Person (to self): Oh look, a poor girl sitting all by herself and reading.  I shall go to her and be Her New Friend.
Introvert Suzanne At The Limits: I do not need new friends.  Don’t talk to me.  Go away.

Well, not quite that bad.  But I doubt I’ve earned a reputation for friendliness here.  I’m normally pretty flexible, but I have been resentful of the forced schedule here, which doesn’t happen to coincide with my preferred eating times.  I am irritated about assignments to be completed during “free” time, which is filled with mandatory meetings.  I am resentful about the service team I was assigned to, because my top 2 choices weren’t even available at signup.  I have griped and complained about the total lack of organization.  Oh, and the voice of the guy doing the vast majority of the teaching/talking is more irritating to me than nails on a chalkboard.

So, basically, this is an announcement that I am still selfish.  I cannot stand people who think the world revolves around them, but it turns out I am still one of them.  I am lazy and neglect things that are truly important.

A song by Barry & Michelle Patterson:
Lord, if there be any wicked way in me
Lord, if there be any pride
Lord, if there be any false security
In the things You hold worthless in life

Lord, if there be any anger
Lord, if there be any fear
Lord, if there be any skin on my conscience
And Lord, if my judgment is seared

Lord, if I foster rebellion
Lord, if hold unforgiveness
Lord, if I’ve carelessly let go of promises
To carry my heart through the years

I repent
Open the eyes of my heart
I repent
For this silence between us must end, my God

You are perfect in wisdom and mercy
The Lamb who was slain for my sin
Your judgment is full of compassion
Your goodness moves me to repent

I repent
Open the eyes of my heart
I repent
For this silence between us must end, my God

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