May 2008


Last night was the last night of our frisbee league before tournament.  I have not written as much about frisbee as I thought I would, mostly because this has been a strange season.  Because Jake & I both work in Christian environments, this was a way for us to get out in the community.  Unfortunately we have had a difficult time making friends with most of our team – partially due to rainouts and partially due to personalities.  There is one couple, Alex & Marie, that has been on the same team with us all three times we have played in the league.  They are very nice.  There is also another couple, Chad & Courtney, who we really like.  They were on our very first team and we are still friends with them.  They might come to church with us sometime, which would be pretty cool.  They are super nice and friendly, and they invited us to watch all 3 Indiana Jones movies at their house last weekend.  It was LOOOOONG but we had a lot of fun, met some new people, and also they are awesome hosts.  They are the kind of people who take care of everything but let you help so you don’t feel useless.  I digress.

Anyway last night we showed up a bit late due to Bedford Snoball having pineapple jubilee.  Bedford Snoball makes the best snowcones in the world.  I am not kidding.  They use plenty of syrup, so you get lovely flavor and no risk of plain ice at the bottom.  Also they make jubilees everyday with fresh fruit in them and they are delicious.  Pineapple jubilee is my favorite.  It is like eating a juicy, ripe, slightly frozen Del Monte Gold pineapple.  I like to think of it as perfection in a 16-oz styrofoam cup.  I digress again, but only slightly.  Anyway my need for a pineapple jubilee outweighed any interest we had in showing up on time, so we were a bit late.  Our team was finally, FINALLY, at the end of the season, playing well.  I thought we had a really good shot at winning the game.  But it was not to be.  Lightning in the distant sky resulted in the game being called off just before halftime, and because we were down at the time it was chalked up as a loss.

However, we played pickup with them during the late game, which proceeded as planned.  And it was a lot of fun.  Actually it was the most fun we’ve had all season.  And I did pretty well, if I do say so.  I had this one awesome move where I was running toward the end zone, my defender a bit behind me, and the disc was thrown.  I kept running to meet it on its path to glory, and as I looked down to catch it I noticed the boundary of the end zone.  As I clasped the disc in my victorious hands, I kept my feet in the air to sail over the line, thus scoring an athletic and graceful-looking point.  Some people score points like this all the time, but I am such a klutz that I dropped out of ballet after a mere month because I couldn’t skip for the warmup.  So this was quite an accomplishment.  I credit the pineapple.

There was another moment that would have been my crowning achievement, but it was snatched from my fingers by one who is near and dear to me.  A different point, but once again running toward the end zone, fairly open, waving at the guy with the disc across the field to alert him to my open and touchdownable state.  He saw me.  He threw the dreaded hammer, in which the disc is sideways in the air and then comes down upside down.  I saw its path clearly and began booking it to our rendezvous point at the back of the endzone.  I am not speedy but at this moment I was hauling.  I knew in my soul I could get there and oh, what a glorious union it would be.  From the corner of my eye I saw Jake also running toward the disc from the other side of the field, guarded by a large, large man called Deaf (Def? Deff?) Jeff.  Surely, surely he will see and know that the throw was intended for me, see it is mine.  But see he did not.  And as I was reaching for the disc, I found myself violently thrown into the air, sliding across grass and then somersaulting in a James Bond-like move.  I had been hit by a husband and then by a large, large man who helped me up because Jake had landed on his face several feet away and was laughing too hard to get up.  He just flat out did not see me until the moment of collision.  I almost, almost had the disc when I was flying through the air…but the second hit and then the somersault knocked me out of reach.  I could have been great.

Lest you mistakenly think I am an athletic beast, full of power and coordination, I will inform you that the somersault was purely the result of momentum rather than planning or cool instinct.  I always wondered how and why people landed that way, and now I know: they don’t do it on purpose.

This post at Stuff Christians Like inspired a B-team holiday service preacher guy to throw Skittles at people in the audience.  I am not kidding.  Read it and the comments.

This is an excerpt from a real press release on my fax this morning.

“With over 18,000 members, RedneckAndSingle.com provides a place for Rednecks and those who love them to meet for love and adventure or just to discuss shared interests like muddin’, fishin’, campin’, and huntin’.  Nascar races, mud floppin’ and mattress surfin’ are also very popular.  These are real people with exclusive profiles on the site and not a shared database of members from several different dating sites.  All of the members are Rednecks and proud of it.”

I am speechless with glee…there are so many different directions I could go to make fun of this, I don’t even know where to start.

  1. Charmin bears dancing around, wiping themselves with various toilet papers
  2. Anything that is used in underwear, in place of underwear, or on anatomical parts typically covered by underwear.  There is nothing more awkward than watching an “absorbency demonstration” using a little cup of blue water with your family.
  3. Greasy food.  We all like to eat it sometimes, but a close-up of liquid fat oozing from a hamburger is vomit-inducing.  And makes me want to never eat greasy food again, thus defeating the purpose of a commercial.
  4. PedEgg.  WHY do you think innocent viewers want to see “foot filings,” AKA dead skin shaved off of nasty feet?!
  5. Pet food.  Plenty of close-ups to convince you of the food’s succulence.  Um…are you implying that pet food is tempting to humans?  Because I think it looks slimy.  And also like something one might come across in the diaper of a sick baby.  These commercials are one of the top reasons I do not have a dog/cat.
  6. Animated versions of anything that is disgusting in real life: mucus, cockroaches, etc.

Stuff Christians Like has a post today comparing Bible translations to GI Joe characters.  It is awesome.

So after chatting with my friend Paige, and later Jake, I pinpointed one more thing that bothers me about Obama: his leadership style resembles that of another politician who will never make my favorites list.  Observe:

  1. Gather large groups of people together.
  2. Tell them how depressed and downtrodden they are.
  3. Tell them they shouldn’t be treated like that, they are much too good.  Special people shouldn’t have to work that hard for their bread!
  4. Once you have them eating out of your hand, they will believe anything you tell them.

Who does this sound like?  Oh yeah…Adolf Hitler.  And a lot of other guys who turned out pretty bad after they got power.  I’m not saying Obama is in a league with Hitler (yet), but I’m certainly not going to intentionally support someone that follows his manipulative principles of mob psychology so closely.

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